I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
