I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Two words: blizzard sex
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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