I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
