I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
this will be a night to untag.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
