yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
