Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
