My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
