If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Fuck appropriateness.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
