So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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