Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
