Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
