some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
