I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
