Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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