Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
