from now on my penis is your penis
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
