This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
