I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
