he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
