office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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