even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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