i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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