There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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