I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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