I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
