So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
