someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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