hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
