According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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