I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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