I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize