from now on my penis is your penis
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
