You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize