I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize