Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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