He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
