??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
