oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize