vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
