wanna go halves on a baby?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
