return my video game
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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