Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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