I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
