eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
