I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
