At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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