Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
