I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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