apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
