I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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