Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
