I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
