I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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