saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
