fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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