pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
