haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
never play flip cup with pint glasses
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
