Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She is in my trunk
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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