I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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