I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
