But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
