no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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