No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
