i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No I am not eating basil off your cock
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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