He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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