Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
