either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize