made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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