He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize