There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
