Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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